FITH
by MissMCQueen
Summary: What if Bakura went so far as to actually get Ryou thrown in the asylum. But can being drugged beyond belief really free him from his darker half.


I rewrote this about three times so that I could capture the true angst. Extreme weirdness warning. 

**Summary:** What if Bakura went so far as to actually get Ryou thrown in the asylum. But can being drugged beyond belief really free him from his darker half. 

* * *

**FITH  
By Missq**

  
Insane… that one word means mentally ill doesn't it. I should know, I looked it up in the dictionary a long time ago. Not to know the meaning of it….. just so I could describe myself to others without much effort. 

Yes mentally ill… that's a brief description of me. 

It always wondered me if there was ever a time that I could give a lighter description of myself. Did a time once exist? Or have I always been the way I am.. mental, crazy, insane …… It's just become so hard to remember things about who I once was. 

I blame it on the drugs. They've pumped me with so many things with names I can't pronounce that I can barely get myself up out of bed. The days just pass by without me remembering the events. Sometimes my mind's so out of it that my room's simply a blur and I forget where I really am. 

You may ask why such a thing is truly necessary? Why would they do such a thing if I wasn't dying? The answer is simple….. 

They all think I'm dangerous. 

Was being dangerous the reason why I'm where I am in the first place? It probably was. As far as I know they told me I killed a guy. I remember their stony glares and hard faces as they told me so. The way their faces were grave yet their eyes full of fear. Oh I remember the fear. 

They said I carved him up in the most unhuman way while his heart was still beating. Witnesses could heard his screams of pain hundreds of meters away but did not dare come near. The words rolled off their tongues in disgust as they told me I left him to die without any remorse or regret. 

I guess I am dangerous. 

Then they found me and took me away. I have a fazed recollection of that. I recall practically throwing myself at them, screaming for them to lock me up and throw away the key.   
Funny… I wish I could remember why I said such a thing. Then they put me here, the place they dump people who suffer from FITH syndrome. 

FITH stand for fucked in the head. 

Ha, they thought that me of all people could change. They thought that I could see the light and somehow be released back into the world. They came up with silly little theories such as the lost of my mother, sister and the neglect of my father caused me to develop and imaginary friend out of my pendant. They say that I lost all recollection of fantasy and reality that I began to think that this friend was real. Some how these_ things_ caused me to snap and scream out for attention to the very point of murder. Their little theories include that I couldn't cope with my actions so I simply began to believe that it was a spirit taking over my body. 

I think I must have told them some over the hill story when they first brought me here. After all how did they manage to come up with such a theory. I just except every word they say to me. Wether it's true or simply a lie to keep me quiet. 

Although if I'm no longer some nut case who believes in spirits from pendants I'm still one of the most hostile people here. The reason that they truly keep me drugged is because just like all the others they're afraid. Whenever they get near I hiss, spit, growl and bite.  
I hate every single one of them. All in their stupid white uniforms, thinking they can cure me of my mental disease and make me normal again. God everyone of them is full of shit. 

My father once came in the beginning when I was too confused to become violent. Figures I'd have to get sent into the loony bin before he actually remembered he had a son.  
The entire time he sat there trying to talk to me while I said nothing, I didn't even look at him. I simply stared across the room at the stupid nurses in their white uniforms. Not because I had any interest in what they were doing, just because I knew that my gaze disturbed them. 

Before my father left I looked into his teary eyes to see one thing…. guilt. Only one sentence left my lips that day. 'I don't like the colour white,' I whispered. And with that I laughed like a madman. 

I guess that day confirmed for my father that I was a complete mental. He never came back since. 

If I'm so drugged you may ask how I'm able to remember such events, let alone know where I am.  
I'll tell you why, after six month's of being drugged up every day tonight they've forgotten. As I told you, everyone in this hospital is a complete bakamono.  
Maybe it's been so long since I bit one that they've began to forget how violent I really am. It doesn't matter, the jokes on them when they finally realised I've woken up as foul as always. 

In my ghastly white room there is one single window. Even if it's barred and impossible to break I can still see my reflection that I've almost forgotten. 

With my mind slowly clearing as the hours tick by I can remember looking into a mirror to see a happy me. A young teen with clear innocent eyes without a care in the world. Maybe once a pon a time I was actually normal. Yet I doubt that would be true. 

As I stare into the reflection of my eyes I wonder if my memory is really as accurate as think or have I somehow just become an empty shell of my former self. Ever so slowly my insides must have began to hollow out and I've become what I am today. My face is gaunt and hollow and those once clear eyes have become blurred and cloudy from all the drugs, pill, needles, and about any sort of medication you can think of.  
But the true question was, could I ever go back to what I once was? Or am I forever doomed to remain this way. Stupid drugs, stupid people. 

I look like the bloody living dead. 

I immediately walked away from my dead reflection. My urge to break the window was out weighed by the fact that if I tired I'd do nothing more than break my hand on the bars. Would they classify that as self mutilation? Another thing they could add to my long list of mental problems. 

I sat back over on the bed against the wall and brought my knees to my chest. For some weird reason I had the urge to laugh out of the nurses stupidity. It's been a total of eight months since I was first taken away and put here. For six of those months I've been completely drugged.  
They have one of those medical sheets stuck to the end of my bed with the date printed. To think, so much time has passed so quickly. 

I let go of my knees and lent my back against the wall. It felt weird to be able to think clear after so long. It felt weird to be able to do so much as think at all. If they dare try to come back here and drug me again I swear I'll bite their bloody arm off. 

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. God despised every inch of this place. 

_-Ryou-_

The corner of my lip twitched. No, there are no voices in my head. There never were any voices in my head. I am just thinking about things. 

_-Ryooooooou-_

There are no voices, there are no voices. 

_-Oh really do you truly thing that-_

I covered my ears. Shut up, shut up, shut up. 

_-Oh really, but it has been ever so long since I last got to talk to you my host. They've kept you quiet out of it haven't they-_

LEAVE ME ALONE! 

_-But it has been such a long time. I know you Ryou don't I? I know that you've always hated being alone-_

You don't exist, you don't exist, THEY TOLD ME YOU DON'T EXIST! 

_-Ku ku ku you truly are an ignorant little host aren't you, now please tell me who told you I didn't exist-_

"They did," I whispered softly through my trembling lips. 

_-Ah but they're wrong and you know it don't you-_

I'm going insane again. 

_-But you were sane remember, they're the ones that have been driving you mad-_

Your driving me mad. 

_-Ku, maybe maybe but did I ever hurt you Ryou? Well not physically anyway, you did that to yourself-_

Who are you? 

_-Who am I? You can't honestly have forgotten me out of all people-_

Who are you? 

_-Ah my little host, don't you remember I'm you-_

I know I've gone mental I'm talking to myself. 

_-Ku, without me here you would be talking to yourself, we wouldn't want that now would we?-_

I am alone. 

_-Well if you say it that way than I will leave you alone then-_

My eyes flicked open as I felt a sudden pain in my chest as if my soul was being ripped in two. My head began to suddenly spin and before I knew it I had rolled off my bed and onto the floor. 

I lay there as I brought my knees up to my chest and began to shiver. I felt as if icy fingers were running their way up my back. 

Come back, please come back, I don't want to be alone. 

_-Ra I was gone for five seconds and already you want me back-_

I relaxed as the pain from my chest disappeared "I don't want to be alone again," I whispered. 

_-Is that so-_

Yes, please don't leave. 

_-Then bloody get up you weakling-_

I moved my knees away from my chest and sat up on the hard floor. A soft tinkling sound caused me to look down at what lay against my chest. 

That was my pendant wasn't it. It lay there as I clearly remember, a gold pyramid with the eye and sharp pointers. How was I suddenly wearing it, only a minute ago it was no where in sight. They don't even allow sharp object in my room. 

Surprisingly the mental was warm, that was unusual wasn't it? Wait if this was my pendant that I claimed a spirit came from and…. Oh god no. 

I reached out to rip the cord off my neck but the gold object disappeared and sank underneath my shirt. I could feel it against my chest. Get it off me, get it off me, get it off me. 

I screwed my eyes up in pain as I could practically feel the pointers of the pendant sink into my skin. This entire experience felt oddly familiar. 

Wait. 

Didn't this… 

Happen before. 

_-Too late now Ryou-_

"Bakura why must you always hurt me," I whispered. 

-_-No my host you only hurt yourself-_

Don't leave me alone. 

_-I won't, sleep now-_

And with that everything went black. 

* * *

Yep extremely weird and probably doesn't make so much sense. I went over and revised this 50 MILLION TIMES!!! I think I captured Yami Bakura's true personality, he dose talk like that to Ryou in the manga. 

**Missq**


End file.
